I recently returned from a much-needed weekend away, where I was able to unplug, relax, sleep, read – all the things that sometimes get sidelined during times when just taking care of the basics feels overwhelming. Spending some time in the spa got me thinking about what I learned about feedback during a particularly relaxing massage this past summer. WHAT, you may ask, do the two possibly have to do with one another (and why in the world am I thinking about work during a massage? Yikes!). While I don’t suggest thinking about work – or anything – during a massage, I did learn a thing or two that might just help you get better results the next time you are working with another person to reach a result, be it a relaxing massage or an excellent written work product.
Let’s set the stage. I am the client (supervising attorney). My massage therapist is the employee (associate). We meet to kick off the project. I identify my desired outcome (relaxation), she asks questions to make sure she understands my goals and expectations. She knows what she’s doing and is highly trained – that’s why I hired her. But, we both know the importance of making sure our expectations are aligned. While I know what I want the outcome to be, I don’t necessarily know the best way for her to get her job done. I leave that to her — with open and timely communication from me about expectations and anything else that might be helpful for her to know.
Through the course of the massage, she pays attention to how I react. But, without actual real-time feedback from me, she is just guessing what any reaction might mean. That alone would lead to some adjustment along the way, if she notices me wincing, for example, but she would not necessarily know why or what would be better. When she uses too much pressure for me on my legs, I have to make a decision – ask her to use lighter pressure (eek that’s uncomfortable to say!) or just let it go and hope it’s a minor blip.
Asking for her to change what she’s doing feels bad, like I’m insulting her skills or technique — I know she’s working hard to give me a relaxing massage and I don’t want her to feel like I’m criticizing. BUT, telling her right away allows her to adjust in real time, leading to a much better result for me. I decide to ask her to use lighter pressure and she responds accordingly. (If I waited until the end of the massage to provide feedback, the next massage with her might be better, but I still would be unsatisfied with this one; if I didn’t tell her at all, she would think that was the type of pressure I liked and I’d always be a little disappointed with her massages. At some point, after a couple sessions with her, when it was really too late to tell her what I should have told her the first time, I’d probably decide it was just easier to go somewhere else for my next massage — which would be too bad because after my feedback and her modification, I got the best massage of my life!).
Fast forward to the end of the massage. I’m simultaneously thinking damn, that was the BEST – I’m so glad I spoke up! – and, man, what a loser I am, thinking about feedback even during a massage. As we’re walking out, she asks me what I do for a living. I tell her I’m a leadership coach and take the opportunity to ask her what goes through her head when a client gives feedback, like asking her to use lighter pressure, during a massage. She said “I have to make myself not yell ‘YES!’ when clients speak up because I’m so glad to hear the feedback when I can correct it and make sure I’m giving my clients what they need! I can adapt my approach to what they need in real time and know we are working well together.”
With that, we are also set up for next time — we will talk again about expectations and goals, but we now have a trusting relationship where she knows I’ll let her know what’s working or not, and I know she’ll respond and adjust accordingly without feeling insulted.
So there you have it. Learn to provide feedback along the way, even if it feels uncomfortable, and you may just have the best massage of your life!
~Mollie
